Coach Yourself- An Introduction To
Life Coaching
I have written this for anyone who is
curious about the benefits of life coaching. It is intended as an
introduction to coaching to help you decide if it could help you.
(The advice given is not intended to
replace any given by your doctor or therapist. )
What is Life Coaching?
I am not going to write a long
description of what life coaching is. You can Google 'Life Coaching'
to find many great descriptions. This is intended to be practical.
You can try the exercises suggested and see if they help you.
Let's Get Started!
It is very useful if you have an
exercise book that you can write in, together with some time to
yourself where you wont be disturbed.
The first thing I would like you to do
is to answer the following questions:
(Answer Yes or No to each question)
1. Health
I have a balanced diet and I drink
plenty of water.
I get plenty of sleep.
I walk/exercise regularly.
I am free from drug/alcohol addiction.
I am comfortable with the thought of
getting older.
2. Finances
I am debt free.
My income exceeds my outgoings.
I can afford to have treats and help
out friends and family financially.
I have a healthy relationship with
money.
I know how to economise when I need to.
Home
I am happy with my home.
I am happy in the area where I live.
I keep my home tidy and clutter free.
My home is safe.
My home is economical.
Family
I have/had a good relationship with my
parents.
*I have a good relationship with the
people I live with.
** I have a good relationship with my
children.
I listen to my families needs and they
listen to my needs.
We resolve arguments easily.
* If you live alone and are happy about
this then award yourself 1 point.
**If you do not have children award 1
point so this does not affect your total score.
Friends
I am happy with my friends.
My friends listen to me and I listen to
my friends.
We resolve disagreements amicably.
My friends encourage me to follow my
dreams and I encourage my friends.
My friends help me in a crisis and I
help my friends.
Work
I have a job I enjoy.
I earn enough money.
I feel secure and appreciate my job.
I have a good work/life balance.
I enjoy working with the people I work
with.
Relaxation
I have a hobby/interest that I enjoy.
I set aside time to relax.
My family/friends support my interests.
I spend some time alone and some time
with family/friends.
I have enough free time for my
interests.
Spirituality and Beliefs
I respect the beliefs of others and
other people respect my beliefs.
I have tried meditation.
I appreciate the beauty of Nature.
I do not fear death.
My friends respect my beliefs and I
respect their beliefs.
Emotional Health
I express my feelings and am aware of
the feelings of others.
I love myself.
I feel loved by others.
I am not ashamed to cry.
I am not afraid to ask my
family/friends for help if I need it.
Award yourself 1 point for every Yes
answer. There aren't really any right or wrong answers. Some people
may not enjoy spending time with family, for example. This exercise
is intended to help you identify possible areas of change in your
life.
Look carefully at the areas where you
have scored the least points and make a note of this in your exercise
book.
This brief questionnaire helps you to
discover the areas that are working well in your life and it helps
to identify those areas that you may like to change.
Next Steps
I am in the process of writing a blog
post for each of the above areas. It gives you coaching suggestions
on how to improve this area of your life. They will be posted on my
blog as soon as they are ready.
Follow Your Dreams
Some people have
a very clear idea about the things they desire out of life but other
people find it hard to know what they want.
If you have
clear ideas of what you desire write them down in your exercise
book.
If you are not
sure what you want from life it is a great idea to make a list of the
things that make you happy and the things that you enjoy doing.
Once you have
made your list have a look at what you have written and see if
knowing what you enjoy doing helps you to be clearer on what you wish
to achieve next.
Goals
Write a list of
the things you wish to achieve.
Some people have
a very long list and other people have a short, concise list.
Once you have
your list, have a look at each goal and put them in order of
importance. Put the things you wish for most at the top of the list
and less important goals at the bottom.
Some goals will
be harder to achieve than others but now you have a clear record of
your desires.
Look through
your list of goals carefully and be clear that they are all what you
really want.
If you are
uncertain or if you have written down a goal to please someone else
please remove these goals from your list.
Look at the
example below:
These goals
belong to a fictitious character called Maggie.
My goals in order of importance:
1. A healthy,
strong body
2. Sell my
paintings
3. Visit Spain
next year
4. Knit a
blanket for Suzie's baby
Maggie has a
range of goals on her list. She has ranked them in order of
importance.
The next step is
to ask yourself how achievable you believe each goal to be.
Start with the
goal at the top of your list. What will you need to do in order to
achieve your goal? What skills might you need to develop in order to
achieve this goal?
What has stopped
you achieving this goal before now?
When do you
think it would be possible to achieve this goal?
Make some notes
about each goal in your list.
Your notes might
look something like this;
Maggie's List:
1. I desire a
healthy, strong body:
At the moment I
am obese and I smoke heavily.
In order to
achieve my goal I will need to have a healthier diet with less fat so
that I achieve a healthy weight. I will also need to exercise more.
In the past I joined a slimming group but I felt embarrassed when
other people lost weight and I didn't. I tried to quit smoking but I
hated the taste of the nicotine gum I used.
If I switch to a
better diet now and I exercise every day I think I can achieve my
goal within a year.
2. Sell my
paintings:
I have 10
completed paintings ready to sell but I don't know where to sell
them and I am worried that people wont like them.
In order to
achieve my goal I will need to research where other people are
selling their paintings and ask people to give me their honest
opinion on my paintings and how much they would be willing to pay for
them. I will need to look into some form of advertising so people
know of my work.
I tried putting
one of my paintings in the local art gallery but it didn't sell so I
stopped trying.
If I seriously
focus on finding a suitable place to sell my work I think I could
sell one or more paintings in the next 3 months if the price is
right.
3. Visit Spain
next year:
I have enough
money to pay for the trip but I don 't know where to go or when would
be the best time to go. I need to research and ask people what they
think and decide on a suitable destination and a good time to go. I
haven't got round to this before as I have been so busy with work. If
I make time to do this I can book the flight and hotel within a week
and I will be able to go to Spain next summer!
4. Knit a
blanket for Suzie's baby:
I need to decide
on colours and buy the right wool, I need to decide on the pattern
and then I just need to get on with it.
I haven't got
round to it before as I have been busy at work but the baby will be
born next month.
If I get a move
on I can buy the wool on Saturday and if I knit a little each evening
I will complete the blanket in about a week because when I get on
with it I am a pretty fast knitter.
Make a Plan
Once you have
your list of goals and you have completed the above exercise you will
see that some goals will be easier to reach then others. It is a good
idea to work on an easy to achieve goal as well as a harder to reach
but more desirable goal. This is because we humans like to see
results. If we work on some easy to achieve goals we are likely to
experience success quickly and we find that very motivating. When we
start ticking off these easier to achieve goals from our list we
start to believe in ourselves more.
In Maggie's
example above the goals of knitting a blanket and booking a trip to
Spain are relatively quick and easy to achieve. Once these are ticked
off the list the more challenging goals can be tackled.
What Stands In The Way Of Our
Success?
We all have our
own particular blocks to success. One of the main obstacles is lack
of self-belief.
We find it hard
to truly believe that we will achieve our most desired goals and this
really does act as a barrier to getting thing done.
One good thing
to do is to make a list of your achievements. Recently I was
challenged to write down 100 successes. I confess I found this
difficult as we are not often encouraged to 'blow our own trumpets'
in this way but I decided to give it a try and eventually I managed
to list 100 of my successes. Give this a try yourself.
Once you realise
that you are capable of achieving, you are more likely to believe
that you will achieve your new goals.
You can create
your own success time-line.
Draw a
horizontal line. At the start of your line write your date of birth
and half way along your line write today's date. Add key successes
along your line until you get to today. Here comes the exciting bit:
Fill in future
successes after today's date on your time-line.
See Illustration above.
By plotting past successes in this way
then adding future successes you start to believe that you really can
achieve what you set out to do.
Gratitude
In order to achieve more it is
important to appreciate what we have now. I find that writing a list
of things and people I am grateful for helps me to appreciate what I
have now and paves the way for new opportunities.
People are much more receptive to
people who are appreciative. If you are upbeat and grateful for what
you have then other people are more inclined to offer to help you to
succeed.
Helpful and Unhelpful Thoughts
The more positive we feel, the more
open we are to new opportunities. When we believe that good things
will happen we are more likely to be receptive when good
opportunities do present themselves. When we feel down and fed up
we are not likely to spot opportunities that come our way.
Coaching teaches us ways of recognising
helpful and unhelpful thoughts that we have. A helpful thought will
serve us in some way while an unhelpful thought will make us feel
stuck. It is very useful to pay attention to our thoughts and check
up on them every so often. It is possible to observe your thoughts
as they run through your head. When you notice you are thinking about
something you can ask yourself, ''Is this thought helping me or
hindering me.?'
These are Maggie's current thoughts:
'I am excited about my trip to Spain. I
am so glad I booked the holiday but now I am worried that I will look
silly in my swimming costume. I forgot to buy the wool for Suzie's
baby blanket. I am so useless....'
In this example Maggie's thoughts start
off in a positive way as she is glad she booked her holiday but then
she is critical of her body and starts to criticise herself for
forgetting things.
These thoughts are not helpful.
When we catch ourselves using negative
self-talk in this way it is perfectly possible to stop those thoughts
in their tracks and choose more helpful ones.
With Maggie's example this is what she
could do:
'I am excited about my trip to Spain. I
am so glad I booked the holiday but now I am worried that I will look
silly in my swimming costume. I forgot to buy the wool for Suzie's
baby blanket. I am so useless....Stop!
Those last thoughts aren't serving me.
I have started to eat more healthily and I am exercising every day so
there is no reason why I shouldn't be fit and healthy in time for my
holiday and as for the wool, I can buy it tomorrow!'
Time To Focus On Your Goals
it is good to make time every day to
relax, clear your mind and spend time tuning into your desires.
Imagine that your goals have been met.
How would that feel? What would you see, hear, feel, taste and smell?
Using your senses to help you vividly imagine succeeding in your
goals can really help you to achieve them.
Steps To Success
When you have a big goal that you wish
to reach it is helpful to break the goal down into manageable chunks
or steps.
With Maggie's desire to become
healthier and fitter she could divide the goal into the following
steps:
1. identify exercise she enjoys
2. Plan a healthy diet
3. Build up exercise gradually and
reward herself for sticking to her exercise plan. Maggie may love
going to the cinema, for example so if she has taken regular exercise
over a month she could reward herself with a trip to the cinema.
4. Maggie could reward herself for
sticking to a healthy diet with a new item of clothing, for example.
When we have a goal it is important to
realise that we don't always achieve our targets when we think we
will. In Maggie's case she may have a week when she is feeling ill
and so cuts back on her exercise. At these times it is important not
to give up. If we really want to achieve something we must accept
that there will be setbacks. If we pick ourselves up and keep trying
we are much more likely to eventually succeed.
Reviews
It is good to look back and review our
goals and plans from time to time. Sometimes our goals can change.
Sometimes people think they want something but are less enthusiastic
once they achieve it. That is fine. We can learn a lot from our
experiences and especially our failures.
Sometimes our strategies need
adjusting.
I n Maggie's case she may have decided
to enrol in a gym only to find that she doesn't really enjoy this
form if exercise but she may love swimming instead. She can adjust
her exercise regime to something that she enjoys and is more likely
to stick to.
Be realistic
it is important not to take on too much
at once. In Maggie's case she may be wise to focus on getting more
exercise and improving her diet initially and then once she starts to
experience success she can decide to work on her goal to quit
smoking.
When we try to kick habits that we
regard as 'bad habits' it can help to realise that the habit has been
serving us in some way. We do the things we do for a reason so there
is little point in 'beating ourselves up' about it.
It can be helpful to try and pinpoint
why we have developed these habits. In Maggie's case she may have
started smoking to relieve the stress of starting a new and
challenging job. Once she realises this she can knowledge to herself
that smoking has been helping to reduce her stress and that reducing
stress is a good thing. She can look for alternative, healthier ways
to relieve stress. She may find that going swimming is enjoyable for
her and helps her to feel fitter and healthier but that it has the
additional benefit of reducing stress.
Worrying
Many of us spend a lot of time worrying
about things we have done in the past or being concerned about things
that may happen in the future. This can really distract us from
reaching our goals.
Focusing on the present can help us to
reduce these anxieties and can really improve our capacity to reach
our goals. Rarely do we worry about something happening in the
present. The past has gone so we can do little about that except
learn from it and avoid repeating our mistakes.
If we are able to take action now to
improve our future then we can choose to do this but most of the time
we worry about something that may never actually happen. All this
worry is unproductive and unnecessary.
Mindfulness
More and more people are reaping the
benefits of being mindful. Mindfulness is where we focus clearly on
our present moment. We use all our senses to take in what is
happening around us. We can clean our teeth focussing on the
mistiness of the toothpaste and the sound of the water running from
the tap.
When we go outside we can take in our
surroundings, noting in detail what we can see, hear, touch,taste and
smell. The more we focus on our present, the calmer and more
productive we become.
I hope that you find this introduction
to life coaching helpful.
No comments:
Post a Comment