Coach Yourself- An Introduction To Life Coaching - Finances

I have written this for anyone who is curious about the benefits of life coaching. It is intended as an introduction to coaching to help you decide if it could help you.

(The advice given is not intended to replace any given by any professional that is advising you in this area. )

What is Life Coaching?

I am not going to write a long description of what life coaching is. You can Google 'Life Coaching' to find many great descriptions. This is intended to be practical. You can try the exercises suggested and see if they help you.

Let's Get Started!

When you have completed the questionnaire in the first blog post you may find that one area that you would like to work on is the area of finance.

For many people our outgoings exceed our income and this can lead to us getting into debt.

It can be very hard to budget when you have a limited income but there are a lot of steps that you can take to get your finances more under control.

Even if you are in a lot of debt there are things that you can do to reduce the money you owe.

It can be terrifying when you realise that you do not have enough money to make ends meet and it can be hard to know where to turn for help.

Seeking Advice:

I am not a financial adviser so if you are worried about the debt you are in, seek professional help.

Organisations such as The Money Advice Service can help you.

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en

The Citizens Advice Bureau can also be very helpful:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

Whatever your situation, it is important to be very clear on the money you have coming in as well as what is coming out of your bank account every month.

If you look at around 3 months of bank statements you are usually able to get a fairly accurate picture of your outgoings. Some of these are essential and some may be reduced.

Once you know how much you have coming into your account and you know how much you have going out of your account you are in a better position to make savings.

Look at what you are spending each month. Are all the costs strictly necessary or can some of them be reduced?

It may be that you have high utility bills with your existing supplier and that you could save money by switching. You can compare energy prices at Money Supermarket or other similar price comparison sites.

Utility Warehouse offers great reductions on Utility bills. I am a distributor for them and have seen many people save money by switching to them. If you are interested let me know and I will give you their details.

Is it possible that you could make some savings when you buy your groceries?

Quite a lot of people buy a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables but never get around to eating them so a lot of food is wasted as the produce gets thrown out.

It may be possible for you to cook more than you need and freeze what you don't eat so that you have another meal for later on. This would save money as well as reduce waste.

Aiming To Be Debt Free:

If you are in debt it can be tempting to look for 'get rich quick' schemes to try and get out of debt as fast as possible. Some people buy things and try to sell them on for a profit, for example.

I used to think this was a good idea but then I attended a very useful webinar about debt. It pointed out that it is financially wiser to put any spare funds that you have available into settling your debt as early as possible rather than investing what money you have in the hope of making a profit. This is because most people have high interest rates when they take out loans and reducing the debt quickly will rapidly reduce the amount of interest you have to pay.

Our society is centred around people buying nice things and living in luxury even if they can't really afford to. Advertising tempts us to spend more than we can really afford in an attempt to be like the people in the adverts who always seem happy and comfortable.

Some organisations profit from other people's debt. In fact debt is big business in many countries.

If you aim to live within your means you will avoid unnecessary debt.

Sometimes compromises can be made. You might love a new wardrobe that you have seen advertised but if you look at sites such as Preloved you may find something similar for much less money.

http://www.preloved.co.uk/

Organisations such as Freecycle have been set up so that people can give away their unwanted things. One persons 'trash' may well be another persons 'treasure.'

https://www.freecycle.org/

Charity shops. Boot sales and jumble sales are also good places to look to buy the things you need cheaply. Ebay has auctions where you can also grab a bargain.

Aim for your income to exceed your outgoings!

For many people thinking about their income and outgoings is a scary experience.

Looking at your bank balance can be a terrifying experience when you are facing hardship but the sooner you are able to gain an accurate picture of the true situation the quicker you will be able to begin to resolve it.

Look carefully at your outgoings. Can any savings be made?

Are there ways that you can economise?

Look carefully at your income. If you are living on a low income are you sure you are claiming any benefits that you may be entitled to?

Researching what benefits you may be entitled to is a positive step forward.

Never be afraid to ask for advice when you are experiencing financial hardship. Make sure your advisor is unbiased and impartial. If someone stands to gain from selling you a financial package they are obliged to tell you this so you know where you stand.

Even making small savings on a regular basis can really make a difference to your financial situation over time.

https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits

Helping Family and Friends:

Many of us aim to be able to afford to have treats and help out friends and family financially. It is not much fun living 'on the breadline.'

We do need to live within our means and it is better to focus on clearing our debts than to spend what available finances we have on our loved ones at the expense of looking after our own basic needs. People who love you will understand that if you are experiencing financial difficulty then you must prioritise remedying this situation.

It is very possible to find inexpensive gifts at boot fairs or online. You can even make your own inexpensive gifts. It really is the thought that counts.

If you focus now on clearing any debts with high interest rates, you will be in much better financial situation once these debts have been reduced or removed.

Once we have managed to get out of debt it is important to understand what our relationship is like with money. Understanding this can be he key to more prosperity in the future.

Look at your relationship with money:

Many of us tend to reflect our own parental attitude to money. Maybe your mother liked to spend money on the family. This may make you wish to do the same. Maybe your father tended to borrow more money than he could really afford to pay back. This could encourage us to repeat this risky spending pattern.

It can be tempting to buy new and beautiful things using interest fee loans but it is important to remember that while these loans may not carry interest you are often committed to a lengthy period of paying back.

I had a good friend who was determined to buy herself and her family a nice, new sofa.

I have to admit it was very attractive and comfortable but there was a monthly repayment scheme that lasted for 4 years. The sofa was mistreated by her lively children so the sofa fell apart long before she had finished paying for it.

It is also tempting to take a number of low repayment loans out but this can be a risky strategy too. You can end up paying £5 here, £10 there and this can all add up to a frighteningly big monthly total.

Compromise is they way forward here. If you can find an attractive second hand item for sale and you can afford it then why not buy it? If it is in good condition it will last you a long time and will be available to you at a fraction of the price you would have paid for a brand new product.

Economise:

It is an essential skill to be able to economise when we need to.

We need to know what our essential payments are. If we have a mortgage or rent to pay then these must be prioritised, for example.

If we have debts then the more we can pay back each month the more quickly we will be able to get our finances back on track.

It is important to be able to treat ourselves to little luxuries now and then but these need to be affordable.

What things do you enjoy doing that do not cost a lot?

Some people love drawing, for example. Basic materials can be bought inexpensively and a lot of pleasure can be derived from pass times such as this.

Look at the things you like doing best and work out which are the best value and the most affordable.

When buying gifts for family why not pool your resources with other family members or friends so people can receive gifts that they will like but they won't cost you too much.

Christmas:

Christmas is meant to be a time of joy and goodwill. It was never intended to be an event that causes people misery. Unfortunately many people feel obliged to spend more than they can afford on gifts at Christmas. Again, the people that truly care for you will not want you to spend money you can not afford on them. It is also important to teach your children to only spend what they can afford and not to expect lavish gifts from people that cannot afford them.

They need to learn that money really can't buy love and happiness.

Difficult Times:

Most people suffer times of financial hardship at some point in their lives and it can be a very worrying time for all concerned.

It is a good idea to seek financial advice from people who are qualified to help and are impartial. Be careful that the people that advise you are acting in your interests and not hoping to make a quick profit from you.

If you act as soon as you are experiencing difficulty then you are more likely to be able to resolve the situation quickly but even if you have left it for a long time it is better to act now rather than later.

It is only too easy to stop opening bills and ignore creditors phoning you to demand repayments but this is only going to make the situation worse.

I have met people who have been in considerable debt but after seeking advice they have been able to draw up a repayment schedule and gradually they have been able to turn their financial situation around.

Once our finances are under control we are freed up from worry and can begin to focus on other things!

How Life Coaching Can help You With Your Health.

Coach Yourself- An Introduction To Life Coaching

I have written this for anyone who is curious about the benefits of life coaching. It is intended as an introduction to coaching to help you decide if it could help you.

(The advice given is not intended to replace any given by your doctor or therapist. )

What is Life Coaching?

I am not going to write a long description of what life coaching is. You can Google 'Life Coaching' to find many great descriptions. This is intended to be practical. You can try the exercises suggested and see if they help you.

Let's Get Started!

In the introduction to life coaching at the start of this blog, you carried out an exercise where you were asked to complete a short questionnaire to help you to identify the areas of your life that you might wish to improve. Many of us find that we would like to make changes that will help us to improve our health.

How Life Coaching Can Help You To Improve Your Health

It is important that you read the introduction before reading this blog post as the introduction has a lot of useful general advice on how to identify, set and reach goals. This goal setting can easily be applied to health goals.

This blog post is intended to help you to make positive changes in the area of health.

It does not cover every health issue and is not intended to replace any advice you have been given by a doctor or health professional.

Diet

We may decide that we wish to make changes in our diet in order to be healthier.

It is helpful to be very clear on what changes we wish to make and why.

It may be that you wish to change your diet as some elements of your existing diet are not working well for you. When making changes in diet it is important that you seek the right advice. Cutting something out of your diet can have benefits but it can also have drawbacks.

While we tend to eat too much fat in our modern diets we need some fat in our diet to help us absorb important vitamins.

Once you have decided what changes you wish to make you can create a plan with clearly set out steps to help you succeed.

Let's take fictional character Tom as an example.

Tom used to be very sporty and had an active job. This meant that although he had a big appetite he remained fit and healthy as he burned off many of the calories he was taking in.

A back injury led to him giving up his active job and his sporting interests but he kept eating the same types of food and the same portions that he had eaten when he was more active.

This led to him putting on weight and feeling very sluggish which put him off even doing gentle exercise that he was still capable of.

Tom has decided that he is fed up feeling this way so his goal is to eat a healthier diet and to take more exercise so that he stops feeling sluggish and becomes fitter.

He would benefit from checking with his doctor before starting a new exercise programme to ensure the new form of exercise wont make his back injury worse.

Tom could then decide what form of exercise he enjoys. Swimming could be a good option as the water would support his back or maybe a gentle but regular walk would benefit him.

Once he has decided on his preferred form of exercise he needs to find time for it in his day.

Maybe he could enrol a friend to join him in this activity as this is likely to motivate him to continue exercising regularly.

It is also important for him to start off gently and gradually build up the amount of exercise he takes.

If he has a bad day and does not feel like exercising, that's OK. It is important if we have a setback that we don't abandon our goal. If we have a few off days then we can start back up where we left off when we feel a bit better.

With exercise, taking one small step often leads to us feeling able to take another step and then another.

Exercise can be motivating in itself.

Walking has many benefits. It is good for our bones as well as our cardiovascular system. It boosts our circulation as well as burning calories. It is also very good at lifting our mood as walking helps reduce stress.

Swimming also has many benefits. It is excellent for muscle toning and as you are supported by the water, it is excellent exercise for many people who have injuries.

Once Tom has started his exercise regime he can revisit his goal regularly to see how he is progressing. Is he exercising too much, too little or does he think he has got it about right?

Reviewing our progress and adjusting our goals as we go can really help us to get the most out of life.

If circumstances change we can adjust our plans to suit the new situation.

It is important to reward small successes in a way that will motivate us.

Tom really likes going to London. He finds the city exciting, with lots to interest him.

Maybe after an agreed period of exercising Tom could reward himself with a trip to London?

Only we can decide what rewards will motivate us. The reward doesn't need to be big or expensive but just enough to help us to celebrate our success and help us to feel we are succeeding.

Sleep

Sleep is another area that really can affect our emotional well-being as well as our physical health.

Opinion varies on how much sleep benefits us but most of us know roughly how much sleep we need and therefore how much sleep to aim for. The amount of sleep we need varies from person to person and as we age the amount of sleep we need changes too. Most adults gain from having between 7 and a half hours to 9 hours sleep per night. Teenagers require even more!

Sleep loss takes its toll on your mood, your ability to cope with stress and your problem solving abilities. It can also affect your physical health.

While you sleep your body repairs and maintains itself. Lack of sleep can affect your ability to fight infections. A chronic lack of sleep can even lead to weight gain.

The quality of your sleep is important too. It can be helpful to keep a sleep diary where you record when you went to bed and what time you wake up so you develop a clear picture of how much sleep you are getting.

Factors that affect deep sleep include noise, drinking alcohol or smoking just before bed, drinking caffeinated drinks, night shifts and having artificial light on while you try to sleep.

Avoiding TV and computer screens just before you go to bed can help you sleep well. Keeping your room cool and quiet enough can also help.

At different stages of our lives our hormones can affect the amount of sleep we get. Women going through the Menopause can find the fluctuating hormone levels affect their ability to sleep and some experience night sweats which tend to keep them up at night.

Going to bed and getting up at the same time each day can help your body to develop a healthy sleep pattern. Reducing fatty and sugary foods can also help.

A diet rich in magnesium and calcium can aid sleep.

Relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation can also really help.

There are also herbal remedies as well as medications that can be prescribed by your doctor where needed.

If you are having difficulty sleeping, see if you can identify ways to improve your sleep pattern. For some people going for a walk before bed can help and for others a warm caffeine free drink before bed can really help to relax them.

Find what works for you and try to ensure you get the sleep you need.

If you have a young baby or you are a carer for someone who gets up a lot at night it can be very difficult to get as much sleep as you need. If at all possible ask people to help you. Maybe other family members can babysit sometimes or help look after the person that you care for.

If you are not getting the sleep that you need to function properly then you will not be able to help anyone else.

It is important that you care for yourself as well as other people. If you weren't here then everyone else would have to find a way to cope so surely it must be possible to make some adjustments to ensure that you get a little more sleep?

As with making any changes. It is helpful to be very clear on what you are trying to achieve. It may be that you are wishing to establish a more effective sleep routine or you wish to make changes in your life to allow yourself an hour extra sleep per night.

Once you are clear on your goal you can work out small achievable steps to reaching that goal.

Once you start to succeed, reward yourself and this will motivate you to continue with your plan. Review your sleep plan regularly to see if you need to adjust it and try not to be too down on yourself at the times when things don't go exactly to plan. There are times in our lives where we all go without enough sleep and in the short term that is fine. In the long term it is important that you do establish a healthy sleep pattern to ensure you are as healthy as you can be.

Mandy is another of my fictional characters. She is a young mum who has a very young baby called Bobby. Bobby wakes up a lot at night and her husband Mark rarely hears him so Mandy is left to deal with Bobby on her own. Mandy is starting to suffer the affects of sleep deprivation. She realises that she needs to make changes. She talks to her friend Jill who suggests that she develops a better bedtime routine for Bobby. A relaxing bath and gentle music playing before bed helps him to get off to sleep a lot more quickly which is a great start. Next, Mandy asks her husband Mark for help and he agrees to get up every other time their baby wakes up. When Mandy hears their son cry she will wake Mark up if it is his turn so he can get up and settle the baby while Mandy gets some much needed sleep.

After a while, Mandy is starting to feel better. She is able to think more clearly and realises that watching TV until late at night isn't helping her own sleep routine. She decides to go to bed with a warm drink and read a book for a little while before dropping off to sleep. This really helps the quality of her sleep. Her son becomes much more settled as he feels his mother is more relaxed. He wakes up less at night which is good for Mandy and for Mark. There are nights when Bobby feels unwell or is teething when things seem to be going backwards. He can cry a lot on those occasions but Mandy knows these nights are rare and they don't last so all in all she feels a lot happier about her sleep routine.

You can see in this example that as you start to resolve your sleep issues you start to feel better and your brain starts to function better. This enables you to make further changes. Mandy was also sensible enough to ask for help. We can be tempted to soldier on alone and our family and friends can get used to this and come to expect it even. By admitting that she needed help as she didn't have all the answers, Jill and Mark were able to help Mandy. If you don't ask for help you will never know who may be prepared and able to help you.

Water

Water is essential for our good health. It increases energy, promotes weight loss, and boosts our immune systems amongst other things. We should drink 6-8 glasses of fluid a day. Fruit juice and milk can be included in this total and if you don't like plain water you can try squeezing lemon or lime juice into it.

If you have not been drinking enough water why not challenge yourself to drink the correct amount of water for a month and see how much better you feel? If you have not been drinking enough water your body is likely to be experiencing one or more of the following symptoms:

joint aches, chills,dull and dry skin, headache, sugar cravings , dizziness and poor concentration.

If you are not used to drinking this amount of water try drinking a little more water each day until you build up to the required 2 litres or 6-8 glasses of water.

Like with any goal, be kind to yourself. There may be days when you slip up and don't drink the agreed amount of water. Simply get on track again the next day.

Reward yourself once you have completed your month long challenge. Why not do something you enjoy and reflect on how much better you feel now you are drinking the amount of water that your body needs.

Exercise

Getting enough exercise is essential to good health. Some people love exercising and go jogging or play a sport. Some people like to go to the gym but other people really find it hard to find exercise that they enjoy enough to keep up regularly. There are many different forms of exercise and it can be fun trying out different forms of exercise before settling on something that works for you. Some people like dancing, others try yoga and walking has enormous benefits. It strengthens your bones, lifts your mood and improve your balance and coordination.

If you have not exercised for a long time and are not very fit it would be a good idea to consult your doctor to check that you are able to exercise safely.

When you start at a gym you are given an induction to introduce you to the equipment and you are taught how to use it safely.

With any exercise it is important to warm your body up before exercising and then you carry out an effective 'cool down' after exercise. This helps you to ensure that you don't pull muscles or injure yourself by leaping into intense exercise without this step.

Find a good time in the week that you can set aside to exercise regularly. You may be able to join some friends for a jog or you could meet up with a friend and you can walk your dogs together.

Exercising with people can be motivating for some people.

Be careful though because some people seem enthusiastic about joining you at first and then they become less enthusiastic and drop out. This can be demotivating for you.

If you start off by doing a little bit of exercise, you can gradually build up the amount of exercise that you do.

The wonderful thing about exercise is that once you start to feel fitter you are more motivated to exercise and it gets easier and more enjoyable.

Drug and Alcohol Addiction

Many people struggle with dependency on alcohol or drugs. Some drugs are prescribed, some are legal and some are illegal.

Drugs and alcohol alter our mood which can be very compelling for many people . If you drink alcohol at a party you may feel less shy and more uninhibited. This can be very appealing but it is easy to allow drinking to become a habit and it has some unpleasant side effects.

This can include liver problems, high blood pressure and infertility.

If you think that you might have a problems with alcohol or drug consumption there is help available to you.

Around 2 million people in UK are currently struggling with addictions. The NHS has a useful website that gives help and advice so that you know where to turn to for help. http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/addiction/Pages/addictionhome.aspx

Most countries have their own treatment and services.

The important thing is to recognise that you have a problem. It is then that you will be able to take steps to get the help and support that you need.

If you are clear on your goals you will be able to work out realistic steps for success.

People become dependent on substances for a multitude of reasons and understanding your reasons will help you with your recovery.

This blog is not intended to go into detail. There are many specialist agencies that can help you to recover from your addictions but as this area affects so many people and their families I definitely wanted to include some information here.

As with working towards achieving any goal it is important to accept that there will be difficult days and you may relapse. The key is to realise when things have taken a step backwards, be gentle with yourself and get back on track as soon s you can. Reward small successes and given time you are likely to see improvements.

Getting Older

People's attitude to growing older varies tremendously. Some people embrace it but others dread getting older. For some people old age can bring significant health problems while others experience financial hardship. These difficulties do not apply to everyone but despite this many people say that they dread ageing.

If you have a good support network of friends and family then getting older is less likely to be a worry but many people live alone and some experience loneliness.

Society can judge older people. So much is decided by appearance these days so if you are going grey and are getting a few wrinkles you can feel obliged to dye your hair and get a 'face lift.'

While Cosmetic Surgery is an option, it should not be taken lightly and no-one should feel pressured into changing their appearance in any way.

I find getting older has its joys. I have stopped dying my hair and have no intention of having any cosmetic surgery. I find people appreciate me for the person I am and not what I look like.

We can take steps to keep ourselves as fit and healthy as possible. We can ensure we have a healthy diet and get enough exercise. This should decrease our chances of becoming ill.

You don't need to get involved in extreme sports if you are not interested as brisk walking has enormous health benefits.

Many people report that they appreciate having grandchildren at least as much as having children . When we have children we are completely responsible for their care but when we have grandchildren we can help with their care but tend to have less overall responsibility.

Of course some older people find themselves becoming responsible for the care of their grandchildren. This can be for a variety of reasons, including their child becoming ill and unable to care for their children.

If we remember that getting older is a life stage that has many positives as well as negatives, we are less likely to dread ageing.

There are organisations such as Age UK who can offer advice and support.

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/

I believe that as we age we also get wiser as we learn from our many life experiences. We learn to appreciate the small things and realise that when we experience setbacks these are unlikely to last as such things soon pass.

Getting older gives us some perspective. Many people have the opportunity to travel or take up a new hobby when they retire. This can enhance their lives enormously.

Some people choose to downsize in order to free up some capital to spend on travel or on their family, for example. 

Whatever age we are we are still capable of learning new skills. In the past it was widely believed that once we got older our ability to learn cease but this is far from the case.

Life is a gift and we have many more wonderful life experience ahead of us as we age. 

An Introduction To Life Coaching and How It Helps You

Coach Yourself- An Introduction To Life Coaching

I have written this for anyone who is curious about the benefits of life coaching. It is intended as an introduction to coaching to help you decide if it could help you.

(The advice given is not intended to replace any given by your doctor or therapist. )

What is Life Coaching?

I am not going to write a long description of what life coaching is. You can Google 'Life Coaching' to find many great descriptions. This is intended to be practical. You can try the exercises suggested and see if they help you.

Let's Get Started!

It is very useful if you have an exercise book that you can write in, together with some time to yourself where you wont be disturbed.

The first thing I would like you to do is to answer the following questions:

(Answer Yes or No to each question)

1. Health

I have a balanced diet and I drink plenty of water.

I get plenty of sleep.

I walk/exercise regularly.

I am free from drug/alcohol addiction.

I am comfortable with the thought of getting older.

2. Finances

I am debt free.

My income exceeds my outgoings.

I can afford to have treats and help out friends and family financially.

I have a healthy relationship with money.

I know how to economise when I need to.

Home

I am happy with my home.

I am happy in the area where I live.

I keep my home tidy and clutter free.

My home is safe.

My home is economical.

Family

I have/had a good relationship with my parents.

*I have a good relationship with the people I live with.

** I have a good relationship with my children.

I listen to my families needs and they listen to my needs.

We resolve arguments easily.

* If you live alone and are happy about this then award yourself 1 point.

**If you do not have children award 1 point so this does not affect your total score.

Friends

I am happy with my friends.

My friends listen to me and I listen to my friends.

We resolve disagreements amicably.

My friends encourage me to follow my dreams and I encourage my friends.

My friends help me in a crisis and I help my friends.

Work

I have a job I enjoy.

I earn enough money.

I feel secure and appreciate my job.

I have a good work/life balance.

I enjoy working with the people I work with.

Relaxation

I have a hobby/interest that I enjoy.

I set aside time to relax.

My family/friends support my interests.

I spend some time alone and some time with family/friends.

I have enough free time for my interests.

Spirituality and Beliefs

I respect the beliefs of others and other people respect my beliefs.

I have tried meditation.

I appreciate the beauty of Nature.

I do not fear death.

My friends respect my beliefs and I respect their beliefs.

Emotional Health

I express my feelings and am aware of the feelings of others.

I love myself.

I feel loved by others.

I am not ashamed to cry.

I am not afraid to ask my family/friends for help if I need it.

Award yourself 1 point for every Yes answer. There aren't really any right or wrong answers. Some people may not enjoy spending time with family, for example. This exercise is intended to help you identify possible areas of change in your life.

Look carefully at the areas where you have scored the least points and make a note of this in your exercise book.

This brief questionnaire helps you to discover the areas that are working well in your life and it helps to identify those areas that you may like to change.

Next Steps

I am in the process of writing a blog post for each of the above areas. It gives you coaching suggestions on how to improve this area of your life. They will be posted on my blog as soon as they are ready.

Follow Your Dreams

Some people have a very clear idea about the things they desire out of life but other people find it hard to know what they want.

If you have clear ideas of what you desire write them down in your exercise book.

If you are not sure what you want from life it is a great idea to make a list of the things that make you happy and the things that you enjoy doing.

Once you have made your list have a look at what you have written and see if knowing what you enjoy doing helps you to be clearer on what you wish to achieve next.

Goals

Write a list of the things you wish to achieve.

Some people have a very long list and other people have a short, concise list.

Once you have your list, have a look at each goal and put them in order of importance. Put the things you wish for most at the top of the list and less important goals at the bottom.

Some goals will be harder to achieve than others but now you have a clear record of your desires.

Look through your list of goals carefully and be clear that they are all what you really want.

If you are uncertain or if you have written down a goal to please someone else please remove these goals from your list.

Look at the example below:

These goals belong to a fictitious character called Maggie.

My goals in order of importance:

1. A healthy, strong body

2. Sell my paintings

3. Visit Spain next year

4. Knit a blanket for Suzie's baby

Maggie has a range of goals on her list. She has ranked them in order of importance.

The next step is to ask yourself how achievable you believe each goal to be.

Start with the goal at the top of your list. What will you need to do in order to achieve your goal? What skills might you need to develop in order to achieve this goal?

What has stopped you achieving this goal before now?

When do you think it would be possible to achieve this goal?

Make some notes about each goal in your list.

Your notes might look something like this;

Maggie's List:

1. I desire a healthy, strong body:

At the moment I am obese and I smoke heavily.

In order to achieve my goal I will need to have a healthier diet with less fat so that I achieve a healthy weight. I will also need to exercise more. In the past I joined a slimming group but I felt embarrassed when other people lost weight and I didn't. I tried to quit smoking but I hated the taste of the nicotine gum I used.

If I switch to a better diet now and I exercise every day I think I can achieve my goal within a year.

2. Sell my paintings:

I have 10 completed paintings ready to sell but I don't know where to sell them and I am worried that people wont like them.

In order to achieve my goal I will need to research where other people are selling their paintings and ask people to give me their honest opinion on my paintings and how much they would be willing to pay for them. I will need to look into some form of advertising so people know of my work.

I tried putting one of my paintings in the local art gallery but it didn't sell so I stopped trying.

If I seriously focus on finding a suitable place to sell my work I think I could sell one or more paintings in the next 3 months if the price is right.

3. Visit Spain next year:

I have enough money to pay for the trip but I don 't know where to go or when would be the best time to go. I need to research and ask people what they think and decide on a suitable destination and a good time to go. I haven't got round to this before as I have been so busy with work. If I make time to do this I can book the flight and hotel within a week and I will be able to go to Spain next summer!

4. Knit a blanket for Suzie's baby:

I need to decide on colours and buy the right wool, I need to decide on the pattern and then I just need to get on with it.

I haven't got round to it before as I have been busy at work but the baby will be born next month.

If I get a move on I can buy the wool on Saturday and if I knit a little each evening I will complete the blanket in about a week because when I get on with it I am a pretty fast knitter.

Make a Plan

Once you have your list of goals and you have completed the above exercise you will see that some goals will be easier to reach then others. It is a good idea to work on an easy to achieve goal as well as a harder to reach but more desirable goal. This is because we humans like to see results. If we work on some easy to achieve goals we are likely to experience success quickly and we find that very motivating. When we start ticking off these easier to achieve goals from our list we start to believe in ourselves more.

In Maggie's example above the goals of knitting a blanket and booking a trip to Spain are relatively quick and easy to achieve. Once these are ticked off the list the more challenging goals can be tackled.

What Stands In The Way Of Our Success?

We all have our own particular blocks to success. One of the main obstacles is lack of self-belief.

We find it hard to truly believe that we will achieve our most desired goals and this really does act as a barrier to getting thing done.

One good thing to do is to make a list of your achievements. Recently I was challenged to write down 100 successes. I confess I found this difficult as we are not often encouraged to 'blow our own trumpets' in this way but I decided to give it a try and eventually I managed to list 100 of my successes. Give this a try yourself.

Once you realise that you are capable of achieving, you are more likely to believe that you will achieve your new goals.

You can create your own success time-line.

Draw a horizontal line. At the start of your line write your date of birth and half way along your line write today's date. Add key successes along your line until you get to today. Here comes the exciting bit:

Fill in future successes after today's date on your time-line.

See Illustration above.

By plotting past successes in this way then adding future successes you start to believe that you really can achieve what you set out to do.

Gratitude

In order to achieve more it is important to appreciate what we have now. I find that writing a list of things and people I am grateful for helps me to appreciate what I have now and paves the way for new opportunities.

People are much more receptive to people who are appreciative. If you are upbeat and grateful for what you have then other people are more inclined to offer to help you to succeed.

Helpful and Unhelpful Thoughts

The more positive we feel, the more open we are to new opportunities. When we believe that good things will happen we are more likely to be receptive when good opportunities do present themselves. When we feel down and fed up we are not likely to spot opportunities that come our way.

Coaching teaches us ways of recognising helpful and unhelpful thoughts that we have. A helpful thought will serve us in some way while an unhelpful thought will make us feel stuck. It is very useful to pay attention to our thoughts and check up on them every so often. It is possible to observe your thoughts as they run through your head. When you notice you are thinking about something you can ask yourself, ''Is this thought helping me or hindering me.?'

These are Maggie's current thoughts:

'I am excited about my trip to Spain. I am so glad I booked the holiday but now I am worried that I will look silly in my swimming costume. I forgot to buy the wool for Suzie's baby blanket. I am so useless....'

In this example Maggie's thoughts start off in a positive way as she is glad she booked her holiday but then she is critical of her body and starts to criticise herself for forgetting things.

These thoughts are not helpful.

When we catch ourselves using negative self-talk in this way it is perfectly possible to stop those thoughts in their tracks and choose more helpful ones.

With Maggie's example this is what she could do:

'I am excited about my trip to Spain. I am so glad I booked the holiday but now I am worried that I will look silly in my swimming costume. I forgot to buy the wool for Suzie's baby blanket. I am so useless....Stop!

Those last thoughts aren't serving me. I have started to eat more healthily and I am exercising every day so there is no reason why I shouldn't be fit and healthy in time for my holiday and as for the wool, I can buy it tomorrow!'

Time To Focus On Your Goals

it is good to make time every day to relax, clear your mind and spend time tuning into your desires.

Imagine that your goals have been met. How would that feel? What would you see, hear, feel, taste and smell? Using your senses to help you vividly imagine succeeding in your goals can really help you to achieve them.

Steps To Success

When you have a big goal that you wish to reach it is helpful to break the goal down into manageable chunks or steps.

With Maggie's desire to become healthier and fitter she could divide the goal into the following steps:

1. identify exercise she enjoys

2. Plan a healthy diet

3. Build up exercise gradually and reward herself for sticking to her exercise plan. Maggie may love going to the cinema, for example so if she has taken regular exercise over a month she could reward herself with a trip to the cinema.

4. Maggie could reward herself for sticking to a healthy diet with a new item of clothing, for example.

When we have a goal it is important to realise that we don't always achieve our targets when we think we will. In Maggie's case she may have a week when she is feeling ill and so cuts back on her exercise. At these times it is important not to give up. If we really want to achieve something we must accept that there will be setbacks. If we pick ourselves up and keep trying we are much more likely to eventually succeed.

Reviews

It is good to look back and review our goals and plans from time to time. Sometimes our goals can change. Sometimes people think they want something but are less enthusiastic once they achieve it. That is fine. We can learn a lot from our experiences and especially our failures.

Sometimes our strategies need adjusting.

I n Maggie's case she may have decided to enrol in a gym only to find that she doesn't really enjoy this form if exercise but she may love swimming instead. She can adjust her exercise regime to something that she enjoys and is more likely to stick to.

Be realistic

it is important not to take on too much at once. In Maggie's case she may be wise to focus on getting more exercise and improving her diet initially and then once she starts to experience success she can decide to work on her goal to quit smoking.

When we try to kick habits that we regard as 'bad habits' it can help to realise that the habit has been serving us in some way. We do the things we do for a reason so there is little point in 'beating ourselves up' about it.

It can be helpful to try and pinpoint why we have developed these habits. In Maggie's case she may have started smoking to relieve the stress of starting a new and challenging job. Once she realises this she can knowledge to herself that smoking has been helping to reduce her stress and that reducing stress is a good thing. She can look for alternative, healthier ways to relieve stress. She may find that going swimming is enjoyable for her and helps her to feel fitter and healthier but that it has the additional benefit of reducing stress.

Worrying

Many of us spend a lot of time worrying about things we have done in the past or being concerned about things that may happen in the future. This can really distract us from reaching our goals.

Focusing on the present can help us to reduce these anxieties and can really improve our capacity to reach our goals. Rarely do we worry about something happening in the present. The past has gone so we can do little about that except learn from it and avoid repeating our mistakes.

If we are able to take action now to improve our future then we can choose to do this but most of the time we worry about something that may never actually happen. All this worry is unproductive and unnecessary.

Mindfulness

More and more people are reaping the benefits of being mindful. Mindfulness is where we focus clearly on our present moment. We use all our senses to take in what is happening around us. We can clean our teeth focussing on the mistiness of the toothpaste and the sound of the water running from the tap.

When we go outside we can take in our surroundings, noting in detail what we can see, hear, touch,taste and smell. The more we focus on our present, the calmer and more productive we become.

I hope that you find this introduction to life coaching helpful.